HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
