Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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