As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
