sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
