maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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