you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
