So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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