Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
