I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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