What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
