Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
