Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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