The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
