I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
