I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
