well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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