i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
