This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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