Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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