I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
