just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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