you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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