I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
