I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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