I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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