I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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