she looked like the before picture.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
