Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
