Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
