I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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