That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
