You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
