Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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