you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
