It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
