If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
