no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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