party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
