Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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