her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
