i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
