dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
