I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
