she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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