We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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