Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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