Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
