I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize