dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
