all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
