Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
