I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize