I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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