they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
