miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
