I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
