so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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