Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
