Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho