If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.