His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.