I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Drake has all the answers
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.