OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
