Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize