yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
