You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wear drunk well.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
