Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
