I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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