that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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