I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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