You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
