hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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