Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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