I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
