we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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