Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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