i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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