"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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