My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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